Monday, September 15, 2008

Fight in class

"Another boring day at school!" I droned, dragging my feet back to class after recess. Miss Lai, my form teacher, has not come to class for her period. My classmates were chatting animatedly while some boys were chasing each other as I lay my head on the table, dozing off.
Suddenly curses filled the classroom, waking me up. I looked around finding the source of the curses as my eyes set upon a crowd. I walk towards them half asleep. "What's going on?" I asked my best friend who was standing among the crowd. "See for yourself." she said standing aside, offering her place. I looked and saw two other classmates of mine, Peter and James, were throwing curses at each other. My eyes widened, "Finally something exciting!"
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" I exclaimed, wanting to see more action. Soon, the whole class followed and the two boys begin raining punches and throwing kicks at each other. Some of my classmates cheered and some jeered as a commotion was building up.
"Stop!" Miss Lai's voice echoed in the room, me and my classmates scampered back to our seats. Peter and James froze in their paths, each carrying a table, wanting to throw it at each other. Miss Lai dragged them out of the class.
Five minutes later, Miss Lai came back and said, "I have sent those two boys to the principle's office for fighting in class, if this happens to the rest of you, I'm going to throw you out of the school!" Everyone remained silent and we started our lesson.

3 comments:

tsooc said...

Dear Geraldine,
I like the way you start your story and arouse my curiosity before you saw the fight. Good. Keep it up. Since the story is about a fight, you can also lengthen the description about the fight and how the others tried to stop the two of them. You can also tell me what happened to the two boys after they were sent to the principal's office. Did they learn their lesson?

tsooc said...

A few things to note:
- droned is not used appropriately
- curses should be changed to shouts or vulgarities?
- saw someone throwing ... not saw someone were throwing
- 'Peter and James froze in the act of raising a table. They were about to throw it at each other'
-principle should be principal
-commotion was used wrongly

Looking forward to your second draft

♥withlove,Syakirah♥ said...

ello xD
nice compo
and yeah, wadever ms tan sae on top^^
im not gona repeat it again..
still the same thing luurrhs
soo...
look forward 2 ur nxt compo!!!
keep it up yaww
and comment my compos too yeas xD
byies
TC