It was a starry night. Shooting stars zoomed across the sky. I was watching my favourite television programme, and and was laughing my head off. "Haha! This show is so hilarious!" I exclaimed. Just when it was about to get to the best part...All the electrical appliances switched off by themselves! "Ahh!" I let out a small yelp as I was shocked.
I ran around the house finding something that gives off light. "Ah ha!" I found a box of matchsticks. I lit up the matchstick. A crimson glow appeared and I grinned from ear to ear, lighting the candle on the table. Then, I whipped out my handphone from my bag and punch in my father's handphone numbers. "Hello, Dad? It me, Geraldine! I really need you to come home now! There's a blackout and only our home has it!" "Okay, I'll try my best!" my Dad replied, reassuring me. I sat on the sofa pressing the 'end' buttton of my handphone to end the call. Sigh! I looked at the flame that was burning infront of me while thinking how should I tell my teacher that if Dad came back and I've not done my homework as there was a blackout and the candle is not bright enough!
After a few hours, there was only one-quater of the candle left! "Where's Dad?!" I thought anxiously, beads of sweat trickled down my cheek because of the overwhelming heat. It was ten in the night and I was about to fall asleep when the sound of keys unlocking the door was heard. "Daddy!" I ran to the door. My Dad appeared with a worried-look, "I was held up by my boss, I'm sorry!" He started fixing the fuse box
"Let there be light!" Dad exclaimed after thirty minutes of fixing. He switch on one of the switches in the fuse box, the lights went on! I chuckled. I thanked Dad and went to do my homework.
3 comments:
Dear Ger,
Quite a logical and complete story.
Good. Take note of the following to improve:
- How to run around when you can't see? You mean went around?
-'A crimson glow appeared and I grinned from ear to ear, lighting the candle on the table.' The above sentence is structurally wrong. see me for discussion.
-'while thinking how should I tell my teacher that if Dad came back and I've not done my homework as there was a blackout and the candle is not bright enough!' What do you mean? see me for discussion.
-Is your father a technician? How can be fix the fuse box otherwise?
The story can be improved if you add other complications in your story. A bit anti-climax.
Why don't you describe your fear of darkness in your second draft? Looking forward to it.
how did u noe that it was starry when u r watchin movie? :??
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